Open Palms

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 18:29:56 GMT

This excellent day has so far included:

- good eye makeup application
- wonderful 94 degree weather
- rummage sale had the bread loaf pan i wanted
- beautiful pears at the market & a sale on parmesan
- my dad is making steak
- i am making bread

Y'know, I don't really have any problems right now. Not even little ones. I have worries, sure, but they are very quiet today. They are letting me enjoy all of this.

an update!

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 04:03:55 GMT

There is a lot going on, but it seems like things that I should really tell you in person. How do you write about massage therapy school? How do you talk about books and films that move you, and tell people that you are moved almost all of the time now? It's true - I get moved even by little things, like making your eyes go blurry at night so all you see are good colors. My limbic system must be so trashed with good vibes right now, it's great.

I'm glad Emily Eagan came to stay with my for my last night alone in my house. She's a really, really nice girl, and she gave me some really nice advice and comfort, just by staying with me. I have many kinds of friends, and with Emily, I have the kind of relationship where we can move along with our own independent lives for a long time without speaking to each other, but when we reconnect it's not awkward in the slightest. We just have more to tell and more fun to have. I want to be able to have this with more people, but I think both persons have to be of a certain temperament for it to work. Maybe it's because she's a pisces and I'm a libra?

I can't waittttt to move in to the new apartment with Kirthi. I know she is going to be an awesome roommate. We will have dance parties and cooking bonanzas and a big glass punch bowl! For all of our mutual friends that we haven't made yet! That's another thing - next year I have to make friends. I'll have to give up being shy for a while so I can do this. I think I can, I really do. After all, this summer I gave up sleep pretty successfully. Giving up shyness will be similar, I think. These days willpower is everything to me.

Also, a really important thing: I think I'm going to stop going out of my way to be nice to people who are not nice to me. That whole deal has to do with my retarded need to seek approval from every asshole I meet, and I think at my age I should be making strides to not do that anymore. It also costs me a great amount of energy to be absolutely nice to absolutely everyone, and that hurts my focus. Focus is incredibly important to have when you don't sleep very much. So enough of that.

I'm so psyched for New York and visiting Ioana. She's always going to be my best friend, this I know. There is an absolute understanding between us. I'm the best person I can possibly be when I'm around her, and I think she feels the same way about me. It's pretty wonderful to feel that way about someone. I'm only staying in New York for three days, though...but three days is still pretty good. Three whole days with my best friend in the whole world. 36 hours! I'd better sleep a lot before then so I can make all of those hours count.

Well, it's midnight. I think I'll watch a movie instead of sleeping. So easy!

Wed, 03 Jun 2009 03:37:28 GMT

Today in Anatomy class I touched a real human spine. The bones were chipped and dried out-looking, and arranged to dangle on two elastic strings so they could bend this and that way. Real bones are pretty different from the plastic skeletons you'll find in most science classes - they have more waves and spirals that bend and dip all around, like little eroded valleys. In the parts that had chipped away, you could also see lots of little holes in the structure, where minerals and skeletal fluids must have resided when the spine was still holding up a person.

It was a strange experience. I felt a little creepy touching it, because this was something that had been inside a real living person before, which was quite invasive. But apart from that slight feeling of unease, I mostly felt this overwhelming sense of awe and excitement that only comes to me when I'm learning about how our bodies and heads work. That spine fit so perfectly into itself; all those bones laid into each other just so, purposely arranged to give function and durability to a once-living thing. Like a kind of gorgeous puzzle. Part of a bigger puzzle of a once-living thing!

So amazing. I really needed this boost today. And I just ate a helluva lot of meat, so I need to pass out now.

don't you dare judge me!!

Tue, 02 Jun 2009 02:15:22 GMT

There are literally(lol!) so many books on my bed that I haven't been able to sleep on my whole bed. It's partly because it's just really convenient to have all my books at half-an-arm's reach, but also because I am quite possibly having a strange love affair with all of my "bookish" interests, and I really like it. So every night I dig open a place on the left side of my bed, turn off my lights, and go to sleep with all these books lying next to me. All kinds of books! Autobiographies, contemporary fiction, russian literature, anatomy guides, massage therapy techniques!! I am a BOOK SLUT!!! AND ITS GREAT

Ioana!

Mon, 25 May 2009 06:45:13 GMT

I like the way you wait for the words to come to you before you say them, and how much you think about the way you think. And sometimes I drift off when you talk and just listen to the sound of your voice, and laugh only when you laugh because I am glad you are laughing. I have so much tenderness for you in my heart - I love you and miss you.

Wed, 13 May 2009 17:37:12 GMT

I finished Tolstoy's Master and Man yesterday and then watched Kurosawa's Seven Samurai early this morning, and it's one of the most unintentionally cohesive jumps I've ever made between mediums. I highly recommend doing the same if you have the time. One of the things present in both stories is this concept of living for others, in some capacity - Master and Man gives has a somewhat upbeat message that redemption is possible in a final altruistic act, but Seven Samurai, at least in my interpretation, sheds a complementary darker perspective on self-sacrifice. I feel wholly inspired right now. It's neat!

A food blog!!1

Tue, 12 May 2009 01:48:25 GMT

I have a food blog now! I have tried to pretend I am not excited about it but it's not working! Follow me if you wish!

http://foodflood.blogspot.com
http://foodflood.blogspot.com
http://foodflood.blogspot.com

ALL RIGHT YEAH

microwave chicken dinners

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 21:26:34 GMT

that microwave chicken dinner was such a mistake.

(I will talk about the end of my freshman year when I am not in the middle of experiencing it)

the end is coming

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 01:35:47 GMT

I have such a good feeling.

film callous

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 00:54:43 GMT

I have this paper I'm supposed to write about the film pacing of Steven Spielberg's Jaws. I am supposed to include things like composition, action, lighting, what kind of lenses are used, etc. to describe the film's pacing. About Jaws, ~~the modernized tale of Moby Dick~~ ~~a post-Vietman war epoch focusing on the struggle of blue-collar vs. white-collar workers~~ a hungry shark.

The thing is, I've never written a ridiculous paper before. I've always wanted to, and almost did a number of times, but chickened out because I wanted an "A". And an "A" always means conforming to the Man and writing a paper that follows really boring guidelines. But I've gotten all A's in this class all semester...so...I dunno. Could this could be my only chance to goof off and use lots of words I've been wanting to use for a while, like "draconian" and "flibbertigibbet"?

I don't know. The paper is due tomorrow. I should really get started, and stuff - no use being a flibbertigibbet about it.

YEAH I'M TOTALLY GONNA DO IT.

Wait, wasn't the sun out like 5 seconds ago?

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:33:07 GMT

Sometimes it really alarms me how much nothing I can accomplish in one day.

normal entry | yrtne lamron

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 03:29:23 GMT

I was looking through the past month and a half's entries, and wow guys, thanks for being excellent friends and telling me about my overuse of caps lock and lack of punctuation. NOT.

See, there it is again. All of you are terrible livejournal friends.

DOUBLE NOT. I like all of you, and I definitely like you more if you are reading this right now. Because this entry i sabout nothing. All it has is a lazy list of things that happened this weekend:

1) I went to the Dawn Treader bookstore and found a sweet, sweet book all about Ingmar Bergman and hid it in a special secret place. The thing is I really, REALLY want this book, but I also know I cannot afford to buy what is essentially a $25 picture book right now. But next week I probably can! So instead of awkwardly asking the nice front desk lady if they are willing to set aside the book for me (and probably getting denied since I don't know when exactly I'll be able to buy it), I took matters into my own hands and hid the book in a different section. I used to do this all the time at the Barnes and Noble on Telegraph, but then the man with the big beard and buddha-sized ear gauges got wise to me and started to eye me whenever I came into the store. Now that I think about it, that's probably why they didn't call back when I applied for a job there. But it's their loss, because I obviously know all the good book-sized hiding places and could prevent delinquents like myself from doing what I did back then. Or what I still do, apparently.

2) I studied outside yesterday and today because the weather was phenomenal, and Wunderground promises it is only going to get better! No more arctic cold! No more angry winds! No more looking like a prostitute because I decided to wear a dress that day!

3) My friend Emily B. read me poetry outside in the law quad today. It was romantic, sort of. I made her read the Jim Hall poem about Spiderman twice. It's a cute poem! I've also realized another reason why Emily is so cool - her speaking voice is awesome. She reads poems with great pacing, and in the way they're meant to be read, and I have time to listen and imagine and listen some more without falling behind. She should do spoken word, or at least carry around a tape recorder and record her thoughts whenever someone around her does something she doesn't like. (I don't know if the world has that many tapes, though)

4) Ioana left for Switzerland today, to meet a potential suitor or something like that. I know she probably won't end up with this guy and Switzerland will be ridiculously great, but really? A suitor? She doesn't need a suitor. If anything, she needs fewer. Or maybe I'm just bummed because she won't be able to talk to me for another 2 weeks, after already not talking to her for a week and a half. Or maybe she's reading this, someday in the future when she finally figures out that I have a stupid online journal in which I've mentioned her incessantly.

...so hey, on the off-chance: I love you! I miss you. Call me when you get this. Be safe. Don't go to the Bronx. You are my most important person.

~From the desktop of Emily Nine~

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 02:48:40 GMT

oh and on a good note, I am doing my psych paper that is due this thursday and it is going so well just it's like probably the best thing I've ever written and I will show it to everyone I know so everyone will know how smart I am at behavior modification and YEAH OKAY I HAVEN'T STARTED IT YET BUT I'M GETTIN' TO IT OKAY.

HUH????

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 03:42:31 GMT

Mario Lopez isn't gay?

...

DEAR DIARY

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 02:58:47 GMT

Great day!! I finally worked up the courage to talk to my film professor about Ingmar Bergman and it was EXCELLENT, he's written a book on Bergman that I am going to check out ASAP. Next class I will ask him if he is teaching any classes next year on just Bergman. I have to study for orgo tonight, but I'm oddly looking forward to it...why is this week turning out so good?? This week was supposed to suck, but it is absolutely not sucking at all!! I'm so pepped right now. I hope this lasts for a great deal of time!

OH NO YOU DID NOT!!!!!

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 16:54:04 GMT

I was taking a shower in the stupid dorm bathroom, you know, just minding my own business, and I accidentally dropped my lemongrass sage shower gel on the ground. Our dorm stalls are raised off the ground, so the gel kinda flies in the weird in-between zone of the shower stalls. I'm about to pick it up, when I see this BLURRY BLOB (I don't have my contacts in, so I'm assuming it was a hand) PICK UP MY SHOWER GEL AND DISAPPEAR. Of course, I was like "UM, EXCUSE ME", definitely loud enough to be heard over the shower noises, but the whoever-bitch fucking scampered out of the shower room, with my shower gel in hand(blob?)!! And since I didn't have my contacts in I only know that she has a bright pink towel, brown hair and tan skin. Oh, and she's A BIG BITCH WHO STEALS USED SHOWER SUPPLIES.

I suppose I could have made a big scene, like shouting "STOP, THIEF!!" and running after her with an angry mob of east quadians, demanding she return my shower gel (did I mention the shower gel is a discontinued fragrance? I can't buy it anywhere, which is why I'm doubly pissed about this). But I was naked at the time, and I'm pretty sure everyone else in the showers was naked too, so it probably would have just been me running after this dumb girl who stole my amazing shower gel. And I probably would have stopped chasing her after she reached the hallway, again, because of the naked thing. Also I couldn't really see anything except blurry colors.

So, to anyone who still reads this journal, if you happen to see someone with a bright pink towel and brown features, I would appreciate a heads up. Or if you want to e-mail bath and body works to tell them to start making lemongrass sage lotion and shower gel again, that would be nice too!

just feeling good, is all

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 22:44:10 GMT

mmmmmmmm ♥

Paying a visit to Dr. Stringz

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 04:52:07 GMT

I'm gonna go see Andrew Bird with Megan in April! What fun!!

(love subject)

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 04:25:10 GMT

"who can plumb the depths of the human heart?"

Wait, let me tell the internet about it first

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 01:44:11 GMT

I'm going to chicago this weekend with Kirthi and Emily!! It's going to be super cheap because Kirthi's brother has a nice apartment right in the city, and though I will have to pinch to death my pennies for this trip, I think it will be so much fun. First college road trip YAY!!!! And I'm going to a greek party tomorrow? Hmm. My life has been strange and satisfying lately.

Today was my first 7-hour monday (yikes) and I actually think I can handle this load quite well. I'm not even that tired, really. Plus I've only got one class tomorrow, so I can study/do homework every tuesday and thursday and still have time to watch movies and go out and stuff at night. My teachers are all really passionate about their subjects, which makes up for just about every shortcoming in the classes. So far my favorite class is my film class, duh, but organic chemistry is quite nice because it's self-paced learning, and I totally have a leg-up on psychology because of that OCC class I took sophomore year. I don't think I've ever been this excited in all my life about school and people and EVERYTHING. My dad said something to me over break, and since he's always right about these things, I've taken it to heart - that you have to decide that you want to be happy with your life in its current state. You can't focus on the future like I've been trying to do for many, many years. A lot of anger and sadness comes from expecting things to be one way when they're not and because you let if fester and overshadow the happy parts you forget to pay attention to current affairs. I understand what he meant now: he was saying that it takes a conscious effort to enjoy life, and once you do it, you can live life a whole lot healthier. And while I'm not totally in a happy groove quite yet, I feel like I'm headed in a nice direction. So here's to happiness and a good semester! =)

Plus Giselle is always writing about how awesome her classes and her life is, and I think it's about time I follow suit. So here it is, in summary: LIFE RULES.

Well,

Mon, 12 Jan 2009 01:13:43 GMT

Thank God It's Sunday!

So after 3 movies and 5 chapters in a good book,

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 04:17:43 GMT

You know what I really want? One of those compressed air keyboard cleaner things that blows all the dust out from underneath your keys. I bet there are all kinds of lint and dorm-room dust lurking underneath my very fingers! I've been cleaning between the keys with Q-Tips, but I just know this keyboard could be cleaner.

Being confined to my bed for a day was a lot more fun when I had ice cream to eat. I have this weird homesickness for Taiwan right now too, and I have NO IDEA why my mom isn't taking me to Taiwan this year. I mean, yeah I have school, but c'mooooooonnnnnnn.

Well, anyways:

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 02:29:51 GMT

gross.

but i didn't mean to :/

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:04:34 GMT

I declare today national word vomit day. Everyone must say lots of things that are untrue and even slightly preposterous to people around them and then regret it afterward! Then at the end of the day we can all get together and feel a collective headache from acting so stupid. It will be a great nation-wide team building exercise.

Am I alone on this one?

alternative entry: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPS.

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 00:33:56 GMT

Today: I went apartment hunting today with Kirthi. It was lots of fun, thinking about having my own room(!!) and my own bathroom and sink area(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) next year. I'm fairly sure we found the best deal around - a two-bedroom apartment that's SUPER close to campus for $1350 a month, which includes heat, water, AC, furnishings, laundry, and sheltered parking (have to pay for electricity and renter's insurance). We are holding it tomorrow (hopefully) and we SHOULD have it in the bag by the end of the week. I'm not going to be saving a whole lot of money by doing this, but I'm still saving some, and I will actually want to live where I live! I mean, living in East Quad doesn't suck, but it doesn't rule either.

This Week: A chemistry exam on wednesday (along with a lab due that same day), chinese test, that entire packet of work for the Immoralist that I have to finish by Tuesday. But by thursday, the best day of the weekdays, I will be finished and carefree again.

The Future: I am trying my best to enjoy this semester, because next semester I am planning on taking 18 credits, which will probably kick my ass in a major way.

Now: I have to stop playing on the internet, get some caffeine in my system, and chip away at this block of crap I have to do.

Fruit Of The Week: pears.